Happiness vs. Loneliness

 I know its been awhile since I have really written, so here I go.

For the first week or two I had a blast living on my own.  My apartment was spotless and always so relaxing.  After about two weeks I started getting super bored and lonely.  I started hanging out with people but that still wasn't taking away my loneliness.    I still have to come home every night to an empty apartment.  Its gotten to the point that I like a little mess so that I can clean it.  Weird, I know.

I dont really like hanging out with my church friends anymore because we are just in a different place.  I want to be like them, but I cant get myself to be.  People try to text me or call me and I just ignore it.  I dont mean it to be rude, I just do it to protect me.

I know that my best friends will always be there for me through thick and thin.  No matter how lost I get.  Others just dont get me.  They say they're a lot like me or what not but I know we're not.  Doesnt mean its a bad thing, I just know I am different.

There is this word that I keep forgetting, but its exactly how I feel.  I wish I could get out of this funk!

The one thing that is getting me through the day is the fact that I love my new job!  I know its not a new job, just a new warehouse.  However, its new to me.  I've been there for 3 weeks now and I love it!  The supervisors are so amazing!  Never thought I would say that!  I have a favorite sup already.  From day one she has been nothing but nice to me.  She told me she is going to have a granddaughter soon and coincidentally her granddaughter is going to be named Karlee, even spelled the same =)  Pretty cool!!!! 

I finally got to see Cathy again!  Those of you who dont know her, she use to work at the Portland store with me and she is amazing!  She was like a second mom to me.  She transferred a couple years ago to the Vancouver store and I hadn't seen her since.  She and I have had a blast at work, when working together.  We are both very sarcastic with each other and I love that!  She is truly amazing!

There are a couple other people that stand out to me at my new job that I adore.  They're so nice!  The best part of this store is the customers members are pretty nice too.  I have only encountered one rude member.  Once she walked away, we all started laughing.  She knew by our faces we thought she was a joke.  She was just ridiculous!  haha

Another great thing is management.  At my last store, the managers just walked around on their phones and sampling food.  I kid you not.  This warehouse, I have yet to see a manager doing nothing.  One day I saw a staff level manager pushing carts!!!!!!!  To those of you who haven't worked at the P-town store, you're probably thinking "that's cool."  But, those who have, Close your mouth,  I was SHOCKED!

I know I am kinda getting lost in this blog, but bare with me.

Life has not been good.  I am struggling emotionally and financially.  I thought that I could   make it on my own, but that has become far from the truth.  I need some dang photo shoots!  If you know of anyone or just want to help me out, spread the word!  Karlee Jean Photography!

Keep me in your prayers =)  Hopefully I haven't offended anyone, that's not my intentions.  Sorry

PTSD

You might be wondering what PTSD is.  Well, if you are, you are lucky you dont know.  Its Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  This past year I have experienced it A LOT!  However, the past couple months it has happened less and less.  Yes I am very grateful for that.  One of the cons about living in my apartment is I have been experiencing it every couple hours when I am home in my living room. 

My trigger is the train that passes through Troutdale.  It makes a loud train whistle and instantly I go back to March 4th, 2011.  I hate it!!!!!  I just want to go "LA LA LA LAA LAAA LAAAA LLLLAAAAAA" until it stops!

Mostly this post was to get it off my chest.  The end.

Welcome to my new blog!

Welcome to my new blog! 

Lately my life has been kinda rough.  Living on my own has been a roller coaster.  I can't even begin to tell you how bored I have been.  I called my mom tonight and as we barely talked to each other, it consisted of me singing my favorite song at the moment "we are young" by Fun, and my mom talking to her self as she looked at Pintrest......or as she called it "Pinbook."  If that doesn't tell you I'm bored..... did I mention this has happened a couple times this week?  

Remember how I got transferred to a different location at work? Well, I absolutely love it!  I have never felt so at home as I do at this new location.   The customers are so much nicer(weird, i know).  Even the employee's are 10 times nicer.  

At the beginning of the year I took a bold move and started meeting with the missionaries.  It took a couple weeks to get use to them, but once I over came my pride, I could feel the love that they had for me.  Its been almost a month since I stopped meeting with them and I miss it.  I moved and transferred wards so they're no longer my missionaries.  I could have talked to my new ward missionaries but they weren't my (awesome) old missionaries.   I so wish I had that feeling I had a month ago.  I feel so lost right now.

I feel like my luck is running out.  Not that I really had much luck to begin with, but now it definitely is sprinting away from me.  

Today was one of those days I had/still having a petty party.   I saw the movie "The Vow" today, thanks to my free regal movie ticket =)  But once the movie was over, I got super depressed.  It made me really miss my ex.  I left him because I believe I deserve a better life.  But I can't forget how well he treated me.  No guy has ever treated me the way he did.  I just wish I could find another nice guy that I deserve.  Maybe that will never happen, which at this point, might surely be.  But I gotta keep my head up.  

I deserve to shine!  Someday I will twinkle =)  But as for now, who knows whats in store for me.