Today is one of those days that I wish I could have just slept through it. I am, however, grateful for the people in my life.
I put an invisible mask on my face so that people cant try to figure out what is really going on with me. Usually if people ask me how I am doing, I lie. They don't truly care to know how I am doing. Or maybe I just don't care for them to know my personal life.
I have always had a hard time trusting men. When I was in 5th grade my biological dad signed legal papers to officially declare him no longer my father. At the time I was not happy. In fact, I wasn't happy about it for years. My step-dad had signed the papers to make him my (new) father. As I grew older and started understanding it better, I came to the conclusion that if my own birth father didnt want/love me, no one would. It was then that in my heart I realized I was/am "unlovable." Since then, I have truly believed that, and sadly, I still do.
Welcome to my sad pathetic life.
My song for the day------
"A Little Bit Stronger" -Sara Evans
Woke up late today, and I still feel the sting of the pain.
But I brushed my teeth anyway, got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face.
I got a little bit stronger.
Riding in the car to work, and I'm trying to ignore the hurt.
So I turned on the radio, Stupid song made me think of you,
I listened to it for minute, but then I changed it.
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger.
And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
Doesn't happen over night, but you turn around and a months gone by,
And you realize you haven't cried.
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer.
I'm busy getting stronger.
And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.
Getting along without you baby,
I'm better off without you baby,
How does it feel with out me baby?
I'm getting stronger without you baby.
And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay,
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.
I'm just a little bit stronger.
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.
Very painful Karlee! Your biological father was likely trying to avoid financial obligations, or had a woman with him who wanted to sweep you over. You are worth keeping, and people with sound minds and warm hearts know it! Although your solar addiction takes getting used to ;)
ReplyDelete--Ike