Silent but deadly

First of all, what the HELL is this world coming to?!   It makes me sick to think of all these families from the west coast to the east coast hit by tragedy.  I cant even begin to fathom what was going through  Jacob Roberts and Adam Lanza minds before and during the shootings. 

Obviously, something was not right mentally.  Some say a tumor, others say a mental issue.  Either way, is was far from okay.  Personally, I think anyone that murders anyone has some serious mental issues, regardless if they're diagnosed or not.

I have always wondered why people take out innocent lives when they end up taking their own in the end.  Is it just for the publicity? or what? I'd love to know.  I wish more than anything, they would just end their own life first, before taking out ending innocent people.  If they really want to.... maybe they should just leave a death note saying they wanted/were going to hurt innocent people, but they thought they would write it, instead of doing it.   Something to consider for anyone out there that has these tendencies. 

If you've read any previous post, you would know I too struggle with a mental illness.  I have been to the hospital psych ward a few times.  Every time people ask what on earth I am doing there because I look so happy and normal, I just say "I hide my emotions well, obviously."   But just know this..... I would NEVER EVER EVER hurt anyone when I am feeling suicidal.  Maybe except for myself, but no one else. 

Just remember, we need to pray for the families and anyone that has a mental illness that might be struggling with this kind of psychotic episode.  PRAY PRAY PRAY....... I'm starting to believe the world is now starting to come to an end.  Better get my church shoes on and head back to church.

Couldnt have said it better...

This song reminds me of one of my ex's..... I miss watching "Dog the Bounty Hunter" with you, holding your hand while I'd drive, the way you'd look at me like no one else ever has and mostly the way I could tell you actually loved me.  

"I Almost Do" -Taylor Swift

I bet this time of night you're still up
I bet you're tired from a long hard week
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window
Looking out at the city
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me

And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you
And risk another goodbye

And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do

Oh we made quite a mess, babe
It's probably better off this way
And I confess, baby
In my dreams you're touching my face
And asking me if I want to try again with you
And I almost do

And I just want to tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do

I bet this time of night you're still up
I bet you're tired from a long hard week
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city
And I hope sometimes you wonder about me

12-12-12

Anyone that knows me well, knows I L-O-V-E my birthday!  I have been waiting for years (I kid you not) for 12-12-12 to come. 

I mid November I was in a lot of pain and finally went to my doctor the beginning of December.  Found out a few days later that I have a staph infection and bladder infection.  Uh, say what?!  That's a new one for me.  I was in bed A LOT and I even went to the emergency room.  They gave me some antibiotics and send me on my way.  I'm sure I'll get a sky rocket bill very soon.

Anyway...... So, December 10th arrives and I wasn't even remotely excited for my birthday.  I was bed most of the week, so I cancelled my birthday plans with friends because I didn't want to be sick and partying.  I knew I would be a party pooper. 

Wednesday (my birthday) at 12am I decided to go to walmart to get some medicine and a couple needed items.  I was in so much pain and looked like trailer trash that I was not in a good mood.  As I get up to the register (of course only 2 lanes were open and they were as slow as molasses), some teenager walks up right in front of me with nothing in his hands and puts his hand up and waves whomever to come here.  I wanted to yell at him.  See, I was almost in tears because my body hurt so much. All of the sudden this guy's mom and sister come walking up with a cart full of crap!  It was a 10 items or less line and i had maybe 5 tiny items.  I wanted to be like "excuse me, but can I please go in front of you?  Its my birthday!!!!!" but of course I didn't.  Then, they had to run back and get something.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

So..... My birthday had already started out bad.  I couldn't sleep after my trip so I watched Magic Mike and The Watch------funny!  Then I got ready for my doctors appointment I had to be at by 8:45am. After I went to Target to get my medicine and then went home.  By 11am I was passed out in my bed sound asleep.  7pm rolls around and I woke up.  I then went to Papa Murphy's and got a pizza.  Around 11pm I fell back asleep for a couple hours.

Needless to say, I am officially old.   My birthday was like any old person that doesn't celebrate their birthday, no offense. 

I am in my late 20's now..... weird.  What scares me is my sister Julee died when she was my age ='( 

I hate to say this, but thank gosh 2012 is almost over!  I can only hope and pray that 2013 is a huge turning point.  I PRAY <3

Hear it like it is

 I am obsessed with music!  Especially when I hear and song and think "Wow!  This is exactly how i feel!"  Here is some songs that are words to my heart....

I knew you were trouble

Home

Wide Awake

We are NEVER EVER getting back together!

Back to December (my case january)

A Team

Letter's to the ex's

Lately, I have been on my own road in life.  I wish that I could write a letter to bring you hope, but that's just not me right now.

I've been wanting to write a letter to each of my ex's.....

Dear R.C.,
Thank you for being so much fun when we dated.  I enjoyed the short time we had.  I look back and cant think of one bad thing you did.  So short, theres not much to say lol. -KP

Dear N.R.,
Man, we had a rough relationship.  It was bittersweet dating you.  I can say I learned A LOT!  It opened up my world from what I raised myself to believe/think.  You are my longest relationship and in a way, im kinda glad.  I dont know if I ever completely fell in love with you, but you have always been on my mind since we've stopped dating.  At times it has taken me everything not to call or text you.  But, I told you to never contact me again, so I am going to obey my own rule.   Thank you for giving me a chance after such shit I had just gone through.   You really got the worst of me i've ever been and I am so sorry. I think we ended on horrible terms, which made me extremely depressed and I ended up in the hospital because of it.  I can only blame myself for my own actions.  I hope you're doing well now and I can only hope and pray you find some  girl that will make you forget I ever existed! -KP

Dear B.C.,
You were right when you ask me to never contact you again...and I wont.   I hope all is going well for you and that you're making smart choices with your life.  I'm sorry I didn't give you a second chance, but it was for the best.  It was too good to be true, sadly.  -KP

Camera Strap Cover!!!!!!!

My friends Sasha and Kristal were over tonight and we were helping Kristal with a craft project.  I suddenly though "Maybe Sasha will make me a camera cover!"  So, I ask her and showed her pictures of what I like from pinterest camera strap cover.  She agreed, and then I picked out my fabrics I wanted.  She used my moms sewing machine (don't tell her haha).  My friend Kristal is also a photographer so she wanted one too.  After a couple hours of Sasha's amazingly talented time, she was finished with both straps.  I took pictures of mine..... Tell me what you think!  THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH SASHA!  I LOVE YOU FOREVER! Also, I made peppermint popcorn peppermint popcorn and now we're watching The Grinch Who Stole Christmas =)  Best night of my life! 

Where I stood

I have been listening to the song "Where I stood" by Missy Higgins http://youtu.be/PCLERYzJsYA

I miss him a lot.  Maybe because he was there for me when the rest of the world wasnt.  That I can thank him for.  But when it comes to my future husband, I want to love him for being exactly him.  I dont want him to have to change things about himself in order for me to be okay with him.  I want to be able to be me and him be okay with that too.  But, one thing is for sure...... I am sooooo not ready to date again.  But when I am..... I'm going a different route on where I am going to find him-hahahahaha.  

I've never hated someone, yet cared about them so much.  It pisses me off!